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I'm
We are moving in two days. Our entire house is filled with packed boxes stacked on top of one another. I am so excited I have to drink half a bottle of Ny-Quil just to go to sleep at night. This is my last Tuesday of driving in bridge traffic. Tomorrow is my last Wednesday of spending an hour in the car just to get home. The new house will take fifteen minutes in traffic. Ten if there isn't any. I don't ever have to get on a highway to get there. It's beautiful. I am so happy. My husband really wants me to quit smoking. He really hates smoke, and is worried about my health in the future. For all he has done for me, you could think I could grant his one wish. I am so addicted to nicotine I nearly freak out when I think about quitting. Other people panic when a snow storm is expected over food and water. They rush to the grocery store to stock up, in case they are snowed in for a week. You won't find a loaf of bread on the shelves when bad weather is predicted here. Not me. I go buy cartons of cigarettes. Now that is pathetic. Our realtor was hypnotized and walked out of the office leaving her smokes behind. She said she didn't even want one. She's been smoke free for a couple of years now. I am considering doing it, but not till we are all moved in. I was home alone the other evening packing while the hubby was playing softball. I came across a little chest I've had for years. I forgot what was inside so I opened it up. Inside was a Christmas ornament which was ceramic with two people painted on the front with a snowman. When you pushed the button it played "Frosty the Snowman". Painted in beautiful letters across the bottom read "Our First Christmas- 1991". I started bawling. I don't know what made me so sad. I cried for probably a half an hour, on the kitchen floor, all by myself. Once I calmed down, I looked at the rest of the items. There was another crystal ornament that read the same. An ornament of the Lucy from Charlie Brown he bought for me because he said she reminded him of me. All of the letters from highschool on forward the ass had written me were in there. There must of been two hundred. All of the cards the ex-hubby had given me were at the bottom. It was funny...as I read a couple, they were all apologies. Apologizing for not coming home, apologizing for spending too much money again, apologizing for the horrible things he'd said to me the night before in a druken stupor. I didn't open them all...once I'd read about five I put them back in the box and closed the lid. I thought about throwing it away. I had such high hopes in 1991. Our life together was going to be everything we'd planned for, everything we'd hoped for, and all I would ever need to be happy. I loved him like no other. One week after we were married it started. Not coming home. Not calling. The lies. Looking back now I can see how I was used. He loved the best he could, and I know that now. He loved me the only way he knew how. I packed the chest in a box and marked it "basement". I don't know when I will get rid of it. For some reason it's comforting knowing it's there. The skin I shed when I left that life behind. The memories that broke my heart, all wrapped up in a box that nobody but me even knows about.
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