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I'm
Scott was buried yesterday. I have never been to a funeral with more people at it in my life. Standing room only. It was a terribly sad day. His wife had to be helped down the isle. I thought for sure she would pass out. Scott was a wonderful person who was loved by a lot of people. Last night his mother had some people over to celebrate Scott's life and to console each other. I wasn't going to go since I knew my fool of an ex-husband would be there. But then Scott's brother, my friend Big Daddy, said he really wanted me there. My hubby and I got there and the house was packed. I was saying hello to Big Daddy's kids and when I turned around, there he was standing right in front of me. The fucker I used to call spouse. Before I could even say "fuck off" he was hugging me and wouldn't let go, crying. Now in my mind I am thinking "oh holy shit" but I muttered the words, "I am sorry for your loss". He pulled away and hugged me again. He then turned around and starting hugging my husband. True to form, he was drunk. I knew at that time there was no way his wife was there, and she wasn't. I made my rounds talking to people and then went outside to smoke. One minute later, there he was on the porch with me. He started talking about my family and how much he misses them. He said he looks away any time he sees them because he feels he let everyone down. As usual, he started crying again. I told him to suck it up and take responsibility for how he's treated people. I told him his crying act wasn't going to gain any sympathy points from me. Relationships are hard work. I told him he has to put forth effort to maintain them. I felt the last fifteen years of my life flash before me as I had said those words to him hundreds of times. My family loved him and would of kept in touch with him forever, but like everything in his life, if it hurts, he runs away. Now he's saying how he wants to see my brothers and talk to my mom. He thinks about my dad all of the time. I told him he was talking out of his ass and to just let the subject go. I told him he has a new family now and he needs to find his comfort there. He said he is thinking about all of us all time and said how much he missed me. He said everything reminds him of my family and his time with me. He then went on to say he hopes I am very happy with my new hubby. I confirmed that I was, beyond belief. I told him I was trying to show him I didn't hold any bad feelings when he got married by sending him a wedding gift. I told him I moved on a long time ago, and that I was happy he has too. Then my husband came on the porch and the fool started hugging him again. Overall it was ridiculous. Here is a family who is devastated by the loss of one of their members, and this fool is rambling on about how he really loves my mom. For some reason, I feel a sense of closure. I can't really explain why. I guess because the last conversations we've had have been full of threats and cuss words. Perhaps it's because I feel I have the upper hand now. He misses me. I don't miss him. He misses my family. I don't give two shits about his dad. He was crying over his loss. I rejoice in my new found happiness. I came out ahead in a race I never intended to run.
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