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I'm
Dear God, I wanted to take a moment out of my terrible day to thank you once again for ripping my heart out. You must of seen the look of sheer joy on my face when the pregnancy test came back positive. My husband....did you see the goose bumps the size of oranges on his arms when I told him? How foolish of us to think it would work out this time. How silly of us to get excited about the possibility of a child of our own. At least this time you didn't drag it on as long. I was only 5 1/2 weeks along. I'd only know for about a week. One week of joy. One week of hope. One week to feel like a woman. I really find it clever how you've designed my body not to naturally abort the babies. Another D&C you say? No problem. Do you have any idea how it feels to have a break down on the OBGYN table, half naked, all alone? I could not WAIT for him to do the vaginal ultrasound so I could see what was the start of our child. Then he said the words I heard only seven short months ago...."this is what used to be the sack"...I literally felt the breath leave my body. The doctor was kind enough to give me a few minutes to myself when he finished scribbling his scribble in my file. I wonder what he wrote that day. I was able to drive myself home through the floods of tears. It nearly killed me to once again tell my husband this pregnancy wasn't going to work out. I am so mad and upset right now I am beside myself. Am I being a big baby? You bet I am. Yesterday now seems like ten years ago and the worst isn't even over yet. What is the main physical difference between a man and a woman? That's right, a woman can carry a child. If you were going to make me a man in a woman's body, the least you could of done was give me decent sized breasts.
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