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I'm
This was the best Christmas of my life. Nothing too special about it. I was just happy. Really happy. I wasn't dreading the entire holiday like usual. Maybe old wounds heal eventually. My boy is what changed me. Made me a wee bit softer. A tiny bit more patient. Smile more. Yell at people less. He will be two next month and everyday is different. Everyday he does something new. He now likes to hug my hubby or me, put his head on our shoulders, pat our backs, and saw "awwww". What else really matters? He goes to a woman's house for day care three days a week. I can't say enough good things about this person. She loves him to death. When he was teething and just not feeling good, she would hold him most of the day. Let him snuggle on her lap and watch Baby Einstein videos. She is 56 and a widow. Her children are grown and gone. She dedicates her life now to taking care of other peoples children. She has our son, a ten month old boy, and two babies. Here is the hard part...we have decided to move him to a daycare center. The YMCA has a wonderful program. He needs to be around kids his own age. He needs to be able to run and play outside during the day. He needs to have fun with kids. We can sign him up for tee-ball classes and gymnastics. He would love it there. How do I tell her? Everytime I start thinking about how to bring it up I get tears in my eyes. Last year I took the week between Christmas and New Year's off work. She called during that week and asked if she could come see the baby because she was missing him so much. When she got there, she went right to him, picked him up, hugged him, and swayed back and forth with him kissing his cheeks. She's like a third Grandmother. I love her a great deal. I do think it's best that he moves. His doctor does too. He's outgrown the confiments of her family room. He's next on the waiting list so I better think of a way to word it pretty quickly. I am horrible at putting things gently. I don't know how to be considerate. I will think it in my head, but it doesn't come out that way. I focus on the facts and that's what comes out. For example, a very dear friend of mine has been having an affair for quite a while and got caught. Her marriage has been in shambles for years, but they didn't do anything about it so it was none of my business. She is really torn over all of this and has been talking to me a great deal about it. She now thinks she doesn't want her marriage to end, but it's going to. He's had enough, and I don't blame him. In my head, I will think to myself "that poor girl...they have grown apart after all of these years and she sought comfort from another man....she didn't know what to do and made a poor choice...she was so scared to leave and start a life by herself...she didn't do it the right way but now she is free to be with her lover". It didn't come out that way. I told her, and this is a direct quote "What did you think was going to happen when all you were thinking about for years was yourself and your own needs". I am a bitch. So I need to figure out a way to tell the babysitter we are moving him. His first day there I will probably be throwing up all day being worried that he is scared in a new place. I hate change. Happy New Year!!!
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