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I'm The current mood of justagal431@aol.com at www.imood.com

2007-01-29 - 1:54 p.m.

We've decided to move our baby boy into an actual day care. He's two now and has outgrown what his babysitter has to offer. He needs to be with kids his own age learning social skills, and having lots of room to run and play.

I know this is what he needs. His doctor said this is what he needs. Every book I've read said this is what he needs. So we toured several centers around our neighborhood and decided on a very nice "school" a couple miles from our house.

I told his babysitter last night that he has two weeks left there. It killed me to say the words. He loves that woman, and she does him. Every time I drop him off there he runs to her, climbs up on her lap, and lays on her chest.

She has been wonderful. A great care giver. Almost a third Grandmother. Not to mention a good friend to me.

But it's time, and we've got him enrolled to start on February 13th.

I cried for almost an hour last night thinking about how scared he is going to be the first day we take him there. The director said she'd recommend I spend only five minutes saying goodbye on his first day, and she will bring him to the window to wave goodbye to me. Five minutes? I was counting on spending half a day there with him. Five fucking minutes? My hubby said she knows what she's talking about so I need to listen.

Our son is very, very shy. He is only two and isn't going to understand that it's going to be ok.

Every child has to go through it I guess. I don't know why I am having such an incredibly hard time with the demon thoughts going through my head of him being terrified. Not knowing any of these people. Not realizing I will come back to get him. Not having any comfort from a familiar face or voice.

I don't know how I am ever going to be able to send him to kindergarden.

I know this is what he needs. He will end up having so much fun. The building is in an old fire station they spent 4 million dollars renovating into a center. The rooms are huge with floor to ceiling windows. Very bright and cheery. They have all of his favorite toys there and lots of extra activities for him to be involved in.

How did he get to be two so quickly?

I am a fucking mess.

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